Runaway Bride!!!

.....Richard waited for me to stop crying and then said to me "You don't want to get married do you",which of course caused me to well up again. But afer all was said and done, we had a great conversation, and we talked it all out. He said he had always sensed that I wasn' t 100% about the relationship and that was why he proposed when and how he did to make me committed. He said he was wrong about that, that he should have gone with his instincts, instead of 'forcing' me into a position. I just kept on saying I was sorry, and I think I may have even fallen back on that old standard "It's not you, it's me!", but that was really the case....hey, cliches exist for a reason.

Anyways, he was a perfect gentleman about the whole thing. I thought he would rant and rave, and talk about the humiliation of it all or something, but he didn't. He didn't shout, he just seemed sad, and resigned. We ended our relationship, he took back the ring - he didn't want to, I insisted, and he offered to come and tell my parents with me. I was so tempted to agree, but I knew that I had to face the music on my own. My mum did not talk to me for a month. I kid you not. After I told her it was over, I had the reaction from her that I thought I would have from Richard. The yelling, the shouting, the screaming - believe me these are three different things. She called me ungrateful, stuborn, stupid, unrealistic. She told me that I wasn't getting any younger, this was probably my only chance to marry.....

Telling our friends wasn't as bad, but it was painful. Most of them were incredulous and asked me the questions my mum was asking. They thought - some of my friends and my mum that is, that Richard must have cheated on me or something, and that's why I was ending it. They couldn't comprehend my answers of no he didn't cheat, he just isn't the one They warned me not to get cocky and think that I knew what God was saying, when I told them that I didn't think that God was telling me that Richard was my husband - clumsy sentence - when I told them that God was telling me that Richard was not my husband. They asked me when I was going to start my own ministry since I could hear God so well. Not all my friends were like this. Tobi and my friend Melanie from work were amazing - they didn't question me incessantly. They accepted my decision and stood by me. I spent so much time in Tobi's house at the time, as it was so refreshing to be with people that weren't calling you mad, stupid, crazy every five seconds.
Richard went away on holiday shortly after, and I tried to get on with life, but it was hard. I missed Richard, I did like/love him, but he just wasn't my husband, and I had been psyching myself for so long to be his wife, that I felt the absence of him quite keenly. He didn't talk to me for a while as well, well he did call once. I said he didn't yell at me at the time, and I said he acted impeccably, but he was hurt, and talking to his friends didn't help. They kept on telling me how rubbish I was....for rubbish insert, ungrateful, dishonest........you name it, I was called a lot of things back then. Richard didn't say calm, and I did get my yelling from him, and I took it. I took a lot of things back then, but I never lost my sense/belief that it would have been wrong to marry Richard. Not even when he called me two years later to tell me that he was married to someone else. They had twins a year ago, as for me, I'm still single, just like my mother said I would be...........